What a year so far!

I haven’t posted on here since January, slap on the wrist. Bad me. In fairness, I have been ridiculously busy.

Just a reminder, my new years resolutions were:

– Stop over-thinking

– Lighten up

– Enjoy every single moment.

And you know what? So far, I’ve done everything. Except the over-thinking part. But I’ve been better. I haven’t over thought as much as I would’ve done, especially after the mental year I’ve had so far. So yay me.

So, what have I been up to? Well, I officially kick-started my career in make-up  I started at the LSMM doing Media Makeup and I’ve loved every minute. Writing this, I feel a little nostalgic as it’s my last week next week and my God, has it gone far, far too quickly. 

Here’s a rundown of things I’ve been doing and can now do confidently and competently:

– Straight/Corrective Makeup

– Fashion/Editorial

– Period

– Hair styling & cutting

– Period wig styling

– SFX – Casualty and prosthetics

– Character makeup

– Body Paint & Airbrushing

The past 3 months have been ridiculously eye-opening and scary and crazy and brilliant. I could list for hours all of the things it’s been for me, but I’ll settle on one for now: Incredible. I have learnt so much, met a lot of people and most importantly, learnt a lot about myself.

Hand on heart, this year has been the best year of my life, and it’s only (nearly) April. It started back in January where I had the most amount of fun with certain individuals and started the makeup school. I’ve been a lot more social this year which is pretty new to me.

Although now the makeup course is coming to an end, the worry is starting to settle in. I swear I have aged 10 years in the past week due to worrying about the future, finding a job, having money to support myself, the list goes on. I’m sticking my head in the sand about it right now and thinking, “I’ll figure it out somehow.” It’s the only way to keep me from sitting in a corner and rocking myself into an early grave. (See? New Years Resolution! No overthinking. Hahahaha. Take that, new years cynics)

Best part of the year so far? The prospect of seeing my all-time favourite band twice in the space of 2 months. I’m seeing all of my favourite bands…in one year! Green Day, Biffy Clyro, System of a Down, Fall Out Boy, Frank Turner to name a few. Now all I need is to see Paramore and Fun. and I’m sorted! Good times.


2012: My year in review

  • What things of 2012 that you are most proud of?

My bravery. I’ve done things this year I never thought I’d do, or have the guts to even dream of doing. I quit my job at the Body Shop, and quitting is something I never do. I see it out till the very end, but this time I’d had enough. Even though I knew that I had no job waiting for me after I quit, I did it anyway. The other thing is quitting uni. As I said before, I don’t quit things, I see them through. But I quit to do something I love doing, and that’s make up. I quit university 2 days into my first term of the second year, and worked as a waitress for 3 months full-time to earn some money. Also acquiring a 2:1 for my first year of university. I hated it, and it doesn’t really mean anything any more  but I’m proud of it none the less. Also sitting through a 4 hour law exam…I’m damn proud of sticking that out.

  • What new connections have you made, and how have these shaped your life?

I’ve met a lot of new people this year, and all of them hold a little place in my heart. Whether they’re someone I work with, someone I met at university or a pretty well-known musician. How have they shaped my life? Some of the people have made me think better of myself and got me out a rut that I was stuck in, some taught me to be happy no matter what.

  • What experience has made you the happiest?

Ah, so many highlights! Saying “farewell” to the Body Shop after a sorry 6 months. Saying “farewell” to university after a hellish first year. Meeting new people. Seeing people I haven’t seen in a long time and reconnecting with them almost instantly.

  • Who has made you happiest?

Lots of people, really. My mum for always being there for me this year. It’s been a tough year, and she’s stuck by me and supported every decision I have made. My best friend for always listening to me and making me laugh till I cry. My manager/friend, Lin, who makes me smile everyday I work with her, and is always there to listen and giving me advice when I need it.

  • What have been the best moments in your career this year?

Paha! Career?! What career?! This year, I decided to take a new route with my career. For those unaware, I went to university to study Multimedia Journalism and subsequently hated every waking minute of that awful course and realized journalism was the last thing I ever wanted to do. Around June time, I went through a mid-life crisis and panicked about what the hell I wanted to do with my life. Thinking about things I loved doing, I came up with idea of make-up  So I started researching make-up schools, and lo and behold found one that costs a considerable amount of money, but it’s something I inevitably want to do with all my heart and soul. So in answer to the original question, I decided what I want to do as a career. Only took me 5 years and £12,000 worth of debt.

  • What changes would you make to your career in 2013?

See above. January. New course, new life, new career. Bonkers.

  • What has held you back from achieving what you wanted to do this year?

Financial reasons is the main thing. It’s been a very tough year in my household, and money is a sore point. And it will probably continue to be in the 2013 unless by some amazing twist of fate, I win the lottery. Also, not having a car or actually being able to drive has held me back a lot.

  • If you were to live 2012 all over again, what would you do differently?

I would say to stop taking things so seriously and just enjoy every moment of it. Instead of thinking about things I haven’t got, I’m going to focus on things I have. Therefore stopping depression and more heartbreak than I care to talk about.

  • What else have you learned this year?

I’ve learnt to be strong and to stop over thinking so much. It doesn’t do one any favours.

  • What are 3 words that sum up your year?

Crazy emotional rollercoaster.

  • Resolutions for 2013?

I tend not to think about resolutions because I never keep to them. I can’t even remember what last years ones are. This new year, mine are:

– Stop over-thinking

– Lighten up

– Enjoy every single moment.

This year is the first year of the rest of my life. And I want to enjoy every single fucking moment of it.



Top 10 songs of 2012!

2012 is nearly over! Hurrah! Sorry, but I’ve had a really shit year this year. At the beginning of the year, I realized that I was in the wrong university course, decided I didn’t like my tattoo on my arm any more and got it partially removed, was in a job I absolutely hated with a fiery passion, so I gave in my resignation with a grin on my face and a big “fuck you, corporate savages.”  But the year has sort of ended on a high. I jacked university in, got accepted in the London School of Media Make-up and turned the grand old age of 21, but more on that later.

So here is the soundtrack of my 2012. I do this every year (except I’m having troubles finding last years one…) They’re not songs specifically released in 2012, in fact, some are pretty old, but they’re songs that I’ve listened to to get me through this awful, god forsaken year.

1) Stayin’ Alive – The Bee Gees

Whenever someone asks me a question that resembles, “If it were your last few minutes on earth, and you could only listen to one song whilst you burn into smithereens…what would it be?” I hold my head up high, and I say loud and clear, “Stayin’ Alive by the motherf*cking Bee Gees.” People don’t really seem to understand my obsession with it. It never gets old. I totally forgot how much I adored this song until this beautiful scene happened:

Yes, that is my favourite scene from television of all-time. And it features my favourite song of all-time. It’s a win-win situation. Also, I’ve just checked my play count and since 16th January 2012, I’ve played it a whopping 1205 times. Me? Crazy? Nahh…

Notable lyrics: “Whether you’re a brother or whether you’re a mother, you’re stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive. Feel the city breakin’ and everybody shakin’, and were stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.”

2) Blue Miss Sunday – Devics

No one seems to know about this song in my little friend group apart from me. It’s a beautiful song, and has really spoken to me this year. It’s very sad, it’s very depressing, but the vocals are amazing by Sara Lov and the bluesy feel to it brings me close to tears every time.

Notable lyrics: Some days are too bright and they just go on, but in the moonlight I see everything. I wish I could keep this beautiful mood last, I really see now sadness is happy. Because I’m a sad girl, some say a blue girl, I wanna be a new girl, is that so bad?”  

3) Sad Song – Christina Perri

Christina Perri has been one of the top albums I’ve listened to this year. Her debut album ‘Lovestrong’ is perfect in every way, and this song has stuck out to me a lot this year.  It’s pretty fucking heartbreaking, but that’s why I love it.

Notable lyrics:I wonder what my mom and dad would say if I told them that I cry each day/It’s hard enough to live so far away/I wish I wasn’t always cold/I wish I wasn’t always alone

4) Carry On – Fun.

I love Nate Ruess’ voice. No. I really love his voice. And his face, really. Like if Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg had a baby. The ‘Some Nights’ album is fantastic, but yet, a lot of people I’ve spoken to seem reluctant to download it. But do it! All those out there who are umm-ing and ahh-ing about it, just do it. Just go download it. You won’t regret it. Back to the song in question, Carry On is generally about carrying on even though you feel like shit and nothing’s going right. Admittedly, this song has got me through a tough time in the second quarter of this year. It’s a fairly simple song, but Nate’s voice is flawless and it’s uplifting and just great.

Notable lyrics: If you’re lost and alone, or you’re sinking like a stone, carry on. May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on.”

5) If Ever I Stray – Frank Turner

Yet again this song makes its way onto my most played songs. Great song. Great man. Great band. ‘Nuff said.

Notable lyrics:Coz love is free and life is cheap, and as long as I’ve got me a place to sleep, some clothes on my back and some food to eat, then I can’t ask for anything more”

6) Let Yourself Go – Green Day

For those unaware, I am a pretty massive Green Day fan, and when I heard that they were coming out with not one, not two, but three albums in the space of a few months, it was very hard for me to keep still and wait patiently. But I managed it. Somehow. Out they came with “Uno!” “Dos!” and no awards for guessing the third, “Tre!” To sum up my opinions on the albums  in one sentence “Awesome!”, “Ehh, okay!” and “Great!” ‘Let Yourself Go’ is my favourite of all of the three albums because it really makes you reminisce of Green Day back in the 90s and has that echo of ‘Dookie’ in there. The song is a big ol’ “fuck you, I hate you, and now I’m going to tell you to fuck off.” It’s awesome, and makes me jump and mosh like a chimpanzee on acid in my room.

Notable lyrics: 

You’re getting on my every last nerve

, everything you’ve said I’ve already heard
. I’m sick to death of your every last breath
 and I don’t give a fuck anyway.”

 7) Back in Black – AC/DC

This year for me was a big AC/DC year. I think everyone joined me in a massive “HOO-FUCKING-RAH!” when their back catalogue was release on iTunes. Only took you 10 years, guys. I listened to AC/DC rather a lot this year, not entirely sure why, all I know is that you can’t beat a bit of AC/DC on a hot summers day.

Notable lyrics: 

I keep looking at the sky cause it’s gettin’ me high, forget the hearse cause I’ll never die. I got nine lives cat’s eyes, using every one of them and runnin’ wild coz I’m back.”

8) Life’s a Happy Song – The Muppets

I’m not proud of this. I’m still not particularly sure why it’s number 8 on my iTunes playlist. However, what a ruddy good tune. It’s so much fun! And it’s so catchy! Just listen to it. Just listen. You listening? Are you squirming at the cutesy stupidly gleefulness of it? Now? How about now? If you’re not, I have it on pretty good authority to say you have no heart and are made of stone. Sorry bro.

Notable lyrics: Everything is perfect, it’s falling into place. I can’t seem to wipe this smile off my face. Life’s a happy song when there’s someone by my side to sing along.”

9) Drunken Lullabies – Flogging Molly

Sorry, I can’t talk about this song right now because I’m too busy doing an Irish jig. Back later.

Notable lyrics: I sit in and dwell on faces past like memories seem to fade. No colour left but black and white and soon will all turn grey. But may these shadows rise to walk again, with lessons truly learnt. When the blossom flowers in each our hearts shall beat a new-found flame”

10) Miscellaneous Sherlock Season 1 and 2 score – David Arnold and Michael Price

This is my chill-out music. I know it’s not typical chill-out music as such, but I love listening to it whilst I’m reading or on the internet. But as soon as the original titles come up, I get a fuzzy feeling inside because Sherlock, for me, was the highlight of my 2012. Even though it only ran for 3 episodes in the beginning of the year, it’s left its mark. Even after watching The Reichenbach Fall for the 10000th time, I still find myself screaming through tears “MORIARTY, YOU SLY MOTHERFUCKER, HOW DID SHERLOCK DO IT?! OH NO, JOHN, DON’T CRY BECAUSE I’LL START AGAIN. SHERLOCK, YOU MOTHERFUCKER, COME BACK!” Anyone else? No? Just me? Okay.

So there we have it. My top 10 songs I’ve listened to in 2012. I had to edit it a little bit because a lot were repeats of stuff (e.g. the Sherlock soundtrack, because there’s so many, they clogged up my list.) But here are a few notable songs that didn’t quite make the cut:

The Forgotten – Green Day

Friday, I’m In Love – The Cure

I Forgot To Remember To Forget You – Elvis Presley

It Ain’t Me, Babe – Bob Dylan

Cherry Bomb – The Runaways

Details In The Fabric – Jason Mraz/James Morrison

Classico/Beelzeboss (The Final Showdown) – Tenacious D

Threw It On The Ground – The Lonely Island (don’t ask…)

Tragedy – Christina Perri

Ring of Fire – Johnny Cash

We Are Young – Fun

Redemption – Frank Turner

The woes of being single

I’m majorly into swing music at the moment. Well, I say swing. I mean, Michael Buble, Sinatra, Rat Pack…but it all has me thinking, “WHY CAN’T SOMEONE SING TO ME AND LOVE ME LIKE THEY DO IN THESE BEAUTIFUL SONGS?!” I’d love nothing more than sitting by a fire, with someone lamenting “The Way You Look Tonight?” toasting marshmallows on a nice comfy rug, drinking whisky? Maybe in Vermont, in a lovely log cabin? Okay, yes, I realize I’m living in fantasy land, but what girl hasn’t dreamt of that? Wait, don’t answer that, I don’t want to know the answer.

I’m a little sick of being single right now. Everyone has someone to cuddle up to during these cold nights, and me? Well, I think you can already tell what I’m doing. I’ve just finished icing 12 red velvet cupcakes and what felt like a million Halloween themed biscuits, and now I’m sat in front of a laptop with Peter Andre on ITV2 in the background. I’ve been single for pretty much my entire life. Where’s that someone for me? It’s not like I don’t try. The other day, when I went out for a friends leaving do, men were dancing and flirting and trying to hit on my friends. What was I doing? Oh, I was standing alone. And I thought “Am I not pretty enough? Slutty enough? Is my personality that bad? Has my hair gone all flat again? Am I wearing too little makeup? Is my lipgloss around my face again?” And after a quick pop in the mirror, I realized that a) I don’t really want to look slutty, so my scarlett peplum dress was fine, b) my hair was fine and c) My makeup was fine too. So, in the end, I danced with myself. I twirled to the music, enjoying the warm fuzzy feeling of alcohol and let me troubles go. And I didn’t give a fuck what other people thought. I thought, “You know what? No one wants to dance with me, so I’m going to dance with myself. Fuck you, society.”

After the little thing in the club, I felt really awful about myself to tell you the truth. I can’t find someone to snuggle up to or sing me swing music, but not for lack of trying. I try. I really do. I don’t throw myself at men or sleep with them in a club toilets, because, well, I’m not gross. That’s why I rarely go to clubs. I just feel total crap about myself.

So, this blog post has been nothing but me ranting about how much I’m fed up of being a lonely singleton. But I guess that’s just the way I’m staying for now. No one wants me, whether it’s because I have a crap personality, I’m too geeky or no way near pretty enough, or maybe because my dream of sitting in front of a log fire with someone I love and someone who loves me is just too high an expectation and just too much to ask.

Ho hum.

Why I Love Autumn

Oh, September! How I love thee! Kids go back to school and stop clogging up supermarkets with their chaos and bratty-ness, things quieten down at the restaurant I work at and most importantly…Autumn’s on the horizon!

I’m so excited for autumn this year. How I long for crisp mornings and the best type of weather where it’s sunny but freezing cold so you need a jumper/coat. England’s had a pretty shitty summer, with it raining all the time. And I hate Spring with a passion, summer’s okay for a week or so but then I get bored of sitting there sweltering and feeling the need for a shower right after I got out, and winter’s…winter’s pretty good. But not as great as autumn. And here’s my list of why I really love autumn:

1) Tea

I don’t feel right about drinking my usual copious amounts of tea in the summer. There’s something just not right about it. Nothing better on a crisp autumn day than drinking a lovely cup of tea to warm your bones and just make yourself feel better. One of my favourite things to do after uni is sit down, watch a dvd, snuggle on the sofa, eat some chocolate with a lovely cup of rosy. Perfect!

2) Halloween!

What would autumn be without Halloween?! I bloody love Halloween. I try to do something different every year, but it never turns out that way. Well, last year I went with the Queen of Halloween, one of my best friends, Holly, to Brighton to a Halloween house party. Year before, we went clubbing. Year before that, we watched movies and ate shit tons of sweets. What to do this year! I really want to go to London Dungeons but it’s pretty expensive but I’d love to go.

3) Pumpkins and pumpkin picking!

I love pumpkins. I love eating them, looking at them, smelling them…it’ll be pumpkins galore in my home! At the restaurant where I work, there is a farm shop where there’s a huge array of different sizes to pick from. And best of all, they’re grown in my home town! I never get them from supermarkets because I just have a thing about them. You can’t beat a freshly grown pumpkin! I’m going to try my hand at pumpkin pie soon. Yum!

4) Gingerbread men and cookies

I made gingerbread last year, but it wasn’t great so I’m going to try again soon. The smell of ginger is a lovely, clean summer smell…but when cooked, it just smells so autumnal and beautiful.

5) Crunchy leaves

You’ve done it. Gone out of your way when you’re walking somewhere to step on a crunchy leaf. Oh, the sound! The trees look so much better when they’re dying, and going for a nap for the winter. Such beautiful colours. I’d rather have 50 shades of brown than green any day.

6) Snuggly jumpers

So snuggly! I hate baring my flesh over the summer. I always get hang ups like “Oh, my legs look really fat in these shorts” and “my arms look too sinewy in this tank top”, but with a snuggly jumper, it doesn’t matter! And this year the shops have gone all-out with patterned jumpers…my bank account is going to take a hit very soon.

7) Cinnamon

The smell of all smells. I’ve had my Yankee Candle ‘Cinnamon and Spice’ out already, and it’s my favourite candle ever. IT just smells so homely and like Christmas and Autumn and all things wintry wrapped together! So good. I could go on forever about cinnamon. I pretty much add it to anything that fits. Hot chocolate, coffee, cupcakes, cookies, regular cakes, even tea! Everything tastes so much better with a little spicy kick.

8) Festivals

I love autumn festivals! The Canterbury one is fantastic, especially because of the scenery. All old-timey and wonderful little knick-knacks. Last year I bought some incense and some lovely candle holders.

9) Toffee/Caramel Apples

One word: yum. SO MUCH YUM. I’m going to make my own this year because the one from Tesco tastes so weird and the apple underneath is always rotten and soggy. Yuck.

10) Bonfire Night

It’s sad that no other country celebrates it, but I guess that’s because it’s an English thing. Fireworks! Bonfire! Sparklers! Ooh, I’m excited already.


Hate to admit it, but I’ve become a bit of a bore of late

I’m not joking, I really have. 

When people think of going to a club and going out, I think “I can’t be arsed with a hangover the next day.” That means I’m turning into an old lady, doesn’t it? These days, I just want my evenings to be full of internets (although my main tabs open are tumblr, Twitter, and 9gag, sometimes Omegle if I’m super bored) and then off to bed to watch something. At the moment, I’m a bit obsessed with Community. It’s so good! I’m in love with it. 

Last night, my mum came into my room asking what I was laughing so hysterically at. Here is a picture:

Omg I laughed so hard. One of the funniest episodes of Community that I’ve seen so far. That, and Abed dressed as Batman thinking he is Batman. Also, Troy and Abed’s little skits at the end make me nearly wet myself.

Back to the “I’ve become a bore.” I’m saving money. That’s the main culprit of me being boring. I’m always at work, if I’m not at work, I’m sitting on the sofa reading, or on my laptop or watching trash telly (Real Housewives of Orange County, I’m talking to you)  I’m obsessed with that stupid programme. Too addictive, and I actually get excited before watching it. I think that’s a sign I need a life…

These days, I’m querying the price of everything. If my deodorant’s not on sale, I go to every store until I find it on offer. And if I don’t, I get really mad that I have to pay full price.

I’ve taken a “I’m not buying any more clothes because I’ve got enough” pact, but I find myself endlessly window shopping on Forever21 and Topshop and River Island, looking at beautiful things I can’t have. And then the shops go and put the new A/W12 collections up, and I’m hooked and want everything. And then I find myself going, “Okay…I’ll buy some nice snuggly jumpers and really awesome tops and jackets and the like when the weather turns all Autumny and I need them.” So now, I’m looking at the sun blazing through my window most days cursing it because I want autumn.

LOOK AT THAT PICTURE. I want that right now. Crisp leaves, the beautiful colours nature cooks up, sunshine even though it’s chilly, the food, snuggly jumpers without being too cold, and of course…Halloween! I never do anything for Halloween, but I’m always super excited for it. Why can’t Halloween in England be more like America? Next year, I swear I’ll be in the US for Halloween. IT MUST HAPPEN. Also, people dress because it’s fun and they don’t just go “Oh, I’ll wear cat ears and then go to a club and get gattered. And then puke all over myself and fall asleep in a drain! Yay Halloween!” like they do in England. I want American Halloween. Candy cane et al!

Great. Now I’m really excited for Halloween for no reason. Sigh.


Don’t mind me, just having a bit of a life crisis.

Yep. That’s me. My first life crisis at the grand old age of 20 years old. Well, less than 6 months and I’ll be 21 which is a thought I do not want to fathom at this very moment.

Anyway, back to the life crisis. Bit of backstory on my life: I went to college, gained a diploma in Media (TV&Film), took a gap year waitressing, then decided to go to university to study Multimedia Journalism. I’ve encountered two problems along the way of going to university:

Problem Numero Uno: I moved, and I hated it. I wanted to get stuck into university, and so I decided to move there, and thought “lala, everything will be fine, how exciting” Two days before the move when I was packing, I though, “hmm…do I really want to do this?” My answer came the second I walked in the house. No. No, I didn’t. I hated every fucking minute, it was expensive, I was lonely and constantly crying…just a horrible experience. End of the day, I wasn’t ready. So I moved back just under 2 weeks later, and commute by train for a fraction of the price.

Problem Numero Dos: I don’t want to do journalism whatsoever. I thought it’d be awesome to do journalism because lala I’ll write for Glamour magazine and it’ll be awesome and my life will be perfect. My course is excruciatingly boring and not very challenging, let alone certain aspects of it that I hate with a passion. Ethics, being the main one. My law lecturer is a bit of a bastard, to put it very politely. The only aspect of it that I enjoy is learning shorthand. And with this long summer, I’ve forgotten a lot of it even though I’ve got 50 words per minute down. But thing is, I DON’T WANT TO DO JOURNALISM. I actually can’t imagine anything more boring than sitting down at a computer all day and writing shit that you don’t give a damn about. There, I said it. It feels good.

Back to the life crisis, I sat there one day after work, just after I got my results and thought, “Yay, I passed! But I don’t care.” I cared a little, because I accomplished something, and that’s what everyone wants in life, right? To accomplish things.

This is why I have made an executive decision to leave university in January. Why January, I hear you ask? So I can have some money behind me. Why do I need money behind me? Because I have a plan. I’m playing it pretty close to the chest at the moment until I finalize a few things, and get some things in order which should hopefully be sorted out in September.

It may sound silly, like “5 minutes ago, you wanted to be a journalist”. Well, turns out, I don’t. It’s the biggest step I will ever take in life, and I hope with ever fibre of my being, it will pay off. But I really want it. That’s all that matters, right?

Here’s 2 clues of what I’m hoping to get into: